Separation anxiety/phases of motherhood

It used to be so difficult to leave my son, Kevin, behind at home. Whenever I did he would cry and call out for me. It started the few times I tried to go out for a "mom's night out." The nights out were quite frankly a disaster anyway. I thought about Kevin the whole night, and was afraid to drink alcohol due to the fact that I was driving. That didn't sit well with people who do drink and they thought that I was judging them for drinking. Sigh. It got worse for Kevin and I when I went back to work. It broke my heart to hear him call out, "MOMMA," every time I left the house. And it continued while I worked at Giant and the bank. It was super stressful for both of us. I wished he would accept that I had to leave for a little while but then I'd be back.  I would try and get him to sleep before I had to go to work or before I went anywhere really. I know it wasn't the best idea but it helped.  He wasn't upset for the most part when he woke up and I wasn't there. Daddy or Pop Pop were home with him so he was pretty happy.

Lately he's been going out with daddy while I hang out at home with my littlest man. And I noticed he's not upset to leave me anymore. I cried when he left tonight. Its really bittersweet. He's growing up. When did that happen? And now I look at my three-week-old and see what's in store in three years and I cry all over again. Motherhood is filled with milestones and emotional upheavals. I thought I knew what I was getting into having a second child since I was already a mom. I had no clue. Its shifted my primary focus from Kevin to two children and I must admit I feel some guilt about that. So that's why I don't understand why Kevin being able to leave me without a big scene caused me to feel so emotional. I am rambling now. Sometimes it just feels good to get things out there. One of the reasons I love my network of momma friends is we can talk about being a mom and the daily struggles we have. No one should have to go through this alone. Sometimes just saying how we feel out loud is a big help.

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