Mommy Days

It used to be so difficult to leave my son, Kevin, behind at home. Whenever I did he would cry and call out for me. It started the few times I tried to go out for a "mom's night out." The nights out were quite frankly a disaster anyway. I thought about Kevin the whole night, and was afraid to drink alcohol due to the fact that I was driving. That didn't sit well with people who do drink and they thought that I was judging them for drinking. Sigh. It got worse for Kevin and I when I went back to work. It broke my heart to hear him call out, "MOMMA," every time I left the house. And it continued while I worked at Giant and the bank. It was super stressful for both of us. I wished he would accept that I had to leave for a little while but then I'd be back.  I would try and get him to sleep before I had to go to work or before I went anywhere really. I know it wasn't the best idea but it helped.  He wasn't upset for the most part when he woke up and ...

When I decided to breastfeed, it was not to make a statement or to make anyone else feel bad. I didn't know how long I would breastfeed or even if I could be successful with it. It was simply what I felt in my heart was the right decision for my family. We hit quite a few bumps in the road when we began our breastfeeding journey. My son was six weeks premature, a mere three pounds and had a 15 day stint in the NICU. While in the NICU, he was on a set schedule that included pacifiers, bottles of pumped breast milk and scheduled touch times every three hours. He was also away from me for over 24 hours while I healed from surgery and was on magnesium sulfate for my extremely high blood pressure. He didn't eat for his first 48 hours of life and when they did feed him it was through an NG tube. He didn't digest it at first so we had to wait another day. On his fourth day of life he finally started drinking 3cc's of colostrum every three hours. They discharged Kevin from th...

Its been a while since I wrote a blog post and decided to take advantage of Eli and Kevy being out and Nathaniel asleep to give writing a go! Lately I have been thinking about how I felt about my body after I had my first son, Kevin. I felt like my body had let me down in many ways. I developed pre-eclampsia at 32 weeks, and I was on hospital bed rest for two weeks after that. I was bordering on major organ failure according to the blood tests I had done every 12 hours. So my first son was "evicted" at 34 weeks at 3 pounds, 10.5 ounces. He was so not ready to be born but my placenta couldn't last another day for him. He was in the fourth percentile for growth. I felt like I let him down and my body failed both of us. I did not look like myself at all as I had gained a lot of weight and was majorly swollen all over. This time around I gained less weight and carried my pregnancy to term. My blood pressure was very healthy except when I was in labor. I attributed my higher n...

Its so strange that sharing your own experiences regarding giving birth or feeding your own baby manage to create friction among other moms. A blog is a place to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Its about your life essentially. Reading someone's blog is optional. If reading about breast feeding or co-sleeping is not your thing then don't read my blog! Just because one mom breastfeeds and shares that with others does not mean she will vilify a formula feeding mom. Every mom has her own parenting style, her own view point and there's room for all of us. I love talking with other mothers because they tell me things I never thought of before and help me see things differently. As with my vegetarianism, I don't preach to other moms and I would appreciate the same courtesy from them. Its a tough job and I think in order to be the best mothers we can be we need to stick together.

I attended my first La Leche Meeting last Tuesday! And it was seriously the best two hours of my life. I met some amazing women there. It was such an incredible feeling to nurse Kevin among other nursing mothers. I wish they met more often than once a month but I'm so glad I started going. I felt "home" there. I  felt like I was among women who understood me. I have received negative reactions to nursing my son and it breaks my heart. I don't need approval from people but I would like the guilt trips and the TELLING me what to do to stop please! Our society is so strange. We reject this perfect food for our babies, and we tell women to cover up while nursing in public. Yet, we have no issues with bikinis and plunging necklines. Sigh.

At 6pm Friday night I was moved from my fishbowl recovery room to the antepartum room. I was also finally taken off the the magnesium sulfate, AKA Liquid Death. I felt exhausted, hungry, thirsty, insanely sore and most of all I missed my little boy. The passed 24 hours were hell on earth! I didn't sleep more than 5 minutes at a time and I felt insanely itchy due to all of the medications they had me on. Sadly, my little boy was no longer inside me but not in my arms either. All I had was his picture to hold. It was a surreal feeling to say the least. I finally drank a ton of water and ate General Tso's Tofu and felt a little better. Eli said he barely recognized me I was so bloated from the medicine. I looked in the mirror and what I saw was scary, a red bloated monster with her hair straight in the air. During my recovery, I was trying desperately to get my milk to come in. A lactation consultant had visited my room that morning and gave me a hospital grade breast pump. Sinc...

We took a tour of the NICU that night. I was pushed around in a wheelchair. I wondered to myself how long my son would need to stay here. (spoiler alert, he was only in for 2 weeks!) I spent the next ten days on hospital bed rest. My friends Dorri and Chrissi came to visit. Dorri even gave me a pedicure. I could barely see my feet at this point but people reassured me they were beautiful! Doctors and nurses were constantly in and out of my room. I had a blood pressure/temp check every four hours, blood work taken every other day and NST with my little one twice a day. I was originally strapped to a BP monitor and NST machine 24/7. I also had blood work taken every 12 hours. So this was actually an improvement! They had so much trouble getting sufficient veins from that they started taking blood out of my hands. And they always woke me up between 5-6am to get blood from me! Eventually my son's NST sessions weren't quite right so they did a Biophysical Profile. They could see h...