Recovery and NICU Stint

At 6pm Friday night I was moved from my fishbowl recovery room to the antepartum room. I was also finally taken off the the magnesium sulfate, AKA Liquid Death. I felt exhausted, hungry, thirsty, insanely sore and most of all I missed my little boy. The passed 24 hours were hell on earth! I didn't sleep more than 5 minutes at a time and I felt insanely itchy due to all of the medications they had me on. Sadly, my little boy was no longer inside me but not in my arms either. All I had was his picture to hold. It was a surreal feeling to say the least. I finally drank a ton of water and ate General Tso's Tofu and felt a little better. Eli said he barely recognized me I was so bloated from the medicine. I looked in the mirror and what I saw was scary, a red bloated monster with her hair straight in the air.

During my recovery, I was trying desperately to get my milk to come in. A lactation consultant had visited my room that morning and gave me a hospital grade breast pump. Since I was separated from my son it was my best shot of getting my precious milk to come in. They assured me that it could take a few days since I had my son early, had pre-eclampsia and also had him via a surgical birth. I pumped every 2-3 hours for at least ten minutes on each side.

At about 9pm that evening my colostrum started coming out as I pumped. I was so excited, I shrieked with delight. I started saving what little was coming out. Eli and I delivered it to the NICU during one of Kevin's touch times on Saturday. He had a touch time every three hours, where you could visit. They had not fed him yet, he wasn't ready for the bottle or the breast at this point. He had a feeding tube connected through his belly button. I watched the nurse push my milk into the tube for him. We changed his diaper and took his vital signs. He was hooked up to monitors that tracked his blood pressure, heart rate and oxygen level. He was also under phototherapy lights because of his bilirubin levels. He had little shades on and we could only hold him for about 10 minutes at a time.

When we returned for his next touch time they had us attempt to bottle feed Kevin. He was only getting 5 ml at a time so he ate it pretty quickly. The touch time after that they informed us he had not digested any of the milk we had given him that day so they stopped his feedings for the remainder of the day. I was heart broken. He was three pounds and needed so badly to gain weight. How on earth was he going to gain weight if he wasn't eating? Chrissi and Liam came to visit that afternoon. Chrissi took some great pictures that day! We spent some time with Chrissi and Liam, I pumped more colostrum and then we returned to the NICU for Kevin's 9pm touch time. They wouldn't let us in at first because Kevin was having a new IV placed and they didn't want us to see that. I remember the show "Everybody hates Chris" was playing in the NICU waiting room. We sat there getting tenser by the second. Why did he need a new IV? What was wrong with him? Questions were screaming inside our heads.

Kevin had many IV's placed during those two weeks. He also had an oxygen tube, which he kept pulling out. The nurses told me that was a really good sign, meaning he didn't need it. So after 24 hours with the oxygen tube, they removed it. He also had a feeding tube and kept ripping that away as well. Stubborn like his momma! I was there when they took one of his IV's out. He cried so hard and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I couldn't comfort him or change anything. They kept trying to find a place for the IV and couldn't find a vein that worked. Eventually they gave me Kevin to hold and we had "kangaroo care" time. I placed him on my chest and snuggled with him. I kept staring at the veins in his head and realized those were the best veins on him. I wanted to run away with him when I realized this. I told him, "If I could take this for you, I would!" I cried so hard as I held him. 

By the time I returned for his next touch time Kevin had an IV placed on the side of his head. It was beyond anything I have ever experienced and so difficult to see that. They told me they were in the process of lowering his IV so many milligrams every few hours. I kept watching his IV drip because I knew the lower the number got the sooner he would be off of the IV. At the same time they were also increasing his feedings. He started off at a mere 5ml per feeding and less than a week later he was up to 50ml a feeding, which is almost 2 ounces for those not familiar with the metric system.

There's an overnight room for NICU parents to stay in at the hospital. When I was discharged as a patient, I checked into the over night parent's room. I spent one night in that room and it was all I could handle. I had a laptop and TV and some personal items. I felt alone and terrified. I remember staring out the window and realizing I was truly by myself and no longer pregnant. I scheduled my pumping every 2-3 hours and my milk was totally in by this point. I got ten ounces in one pumping session! In total I spent sixteen days in the hospital. We went to Moe's for dinner the night I left the hospital. It was November 23, the day of my best friend's birthday. I could not stop crying. I was no longer in the same building as my son and I felt truly empty.  I kept sobbing through the night. I kept my mind on pumping my milk. While separated from my son, it was the only thing I could do that made me feel like a mom.

I was able to give him sponge bathes every few days. My days were spent in the hospital 12 hours a day. I had the chance to change his diapers, feed him and take his vitals every three hours from 9am-9pm. The other 12 hours a day I spent sleeping and pumping milk. I hung out in the breastfeeding room pumping or would grab a bite to eat between his touch times. It was grueling but I wanted to be near my son all waking hours of the day. The doctors and nurses knew me well, and even seemed happy I was spending so much time there. Kevin's doctor was always pleasant and told me Kevin was doing so well. Another doctor described Kevin as "feisty" when he was 3 days old. I was always there when the hospital staff did rounds. It felt strange hearing them talk about Kevin when I was sitting right there. They continued to have good news about his progress so it was always reassuring. 

After a week in the NICU he was transferred from the NICU to the PCU or progressive care unit. I had the opportunity to nurse him with NICU nurses helping me. We mastered the art of breastfeeding while he was in the PCU. He gained 1 pound during his two week NICU stay which was enough to send him home.  He went home on December 3, 2010. His first night home, he screamed every hour on the hour. Eli and I looked at each other at 3 am when he had woken up for the 3rd or 4th time and said, "We finally feel like parents!"